HEARTBREAK HOTEL is our story.
Mine, yours or someone you know.
I've started it and written only a little bit.
And invite and encourage you to add a para, a page , a few lines. Whatever you are comfortable with.
Let's write it together .
Even if it's a few lines at a time.
Together we can rewrite our life stories and make Heartbreak Hotel a story of transformation and power .
We cannot change what has happened but we can make sure our future is one that we are creating with courage.
Heartbreak Hotel is a story whose essence is true.
It doesn't matter what we wear, where we live and who we live with.
Heartbreak Hotel is our deepest, darkest truth.
And here's our chance to write a new beginning , a better future.
I wear emeralds in my ears.
Most days.
Other days I wear rubies.
And diamonds.
Always diamonds.
In my ears on my nose in each of the 5 rings that I wear every single day.
I also wear a big blue bruise deep inside my heart where it cant be seen.
It's not a bruise that comes from being hurt .
Or hit.
It's a almost purple, edges turning green dark plum bruise that comes from being hurt with words that are said over and over and over again. Year after year threaded with days of gentle calm exploding into a geyser of hot words with such suddenness that even today after 26 years it takes me by surprise.
Each time .
Each time is like the first time.
Except the body knows.
And the body remembers.
And the big fist size blue bruise that has started to fade into the plum gets another burst of blue.
Which is why the bruise on the heart never fades. It just changes colour like a rainbow.
You'd think that a bruise that big sitting right on the heart would have brought me to my knees.
You'd be right.
It did.
Except it took 26 years and even then I didnt topple so much as crumple. Like an origami person folding into myself. Till all at once I'm just a rustle of skin and a sensation of evaporating.
Though you'd never know looking at me.
All you'd see is the same emeralds in my ears and the calm in my eyes.
But you wouldn't see the bruise.
Not yet you wouldn't .
But soon you will.
You will watch me reconstruct myself from the collapsed onionskin of my life into something that will make you rear back .
Because you will see what I have never shown.
And at that time you will no longer notice my emeralds.
Because you will be watching my life unfold.
This is my story.
One that has brewed inside of me for so long that like days old coffee left in a tin cup it is more than bitter. Its acid .
HEARTBREAK HOTEL
The price of anything is the amount of life you exchange for it.
And no, I'm not wise enough to have thought that up.
Think about it , its exactly right.
Do you choose to go for a party without really wanting to knowing you'd rather be home reading or watching a show .
That's over simplifying it.
But here's another way to look at it .
These days I ask myself .
What did I trade me for ?
Why did I not want to belong to myself ?
Why was it not important if I thought that being shouted at for imaginary reasons
A person who I wanted to keep happy, whose moods decided mine?
So much that we are willing to be quiet when.....