SELF TEST: QUIZ
The best answers come from inside us. Ask yourself if any of these have been said to you. If there's even one yes: that's abuse and there's your answer
My husband/partner will beat our children because he knows it will hurt me.
I was called a where because I reached out to kiss him.
Are you scare or worried about reactions before saying anything?
My husband/partner didn't open the door when I returned late from an office party.
Are you always scared to make him angry?
Does your husband/partner ever hit you or say something cruel and then pretend he's never said it?
My husband/partner flirts with my friends and appreciates them/gives compliments,this makes me insecure.
My husband/partner forced me to getout of the car in a desolate spot because i said something.
Does your husband/partner deliberately make the children believe you are a liar?
My husband/partner checks on my movements, turns up at where I said I will be.
My husband/partner keeps saying I'm lucky he married me because I was married before and I am used goods.
Do you feel inadequate?
My brother calls me names because I left my husband.
Does your husband/partner compare you to other people?
He gets annoyed if i say i will cut my hair.
Does your husband/partner insist that you hate your mother in law and refuses to believe you when you say no?
My husband/partner checks my phone and reads my emails, gets mad if I change passwords,
Does your husband/partner often say you a liar even though you never lie?
My husband/partner says I am outdated,everyone is cool about extra marital relationships nowadays.
My spouse keeps threatening to divorce me.
If you have answered yes to even one question you are in an abusive relationship. To understand more, ask for information or help please click on
To understand better see below
WHY DO PEOPLE ABUSE?
Difficulty tolerating real truths
Sometimes feelings get hurt when things are said . Even something as simple as “I don’t like what you are saying to me “ can trigger abusive behaviour. People who don’t know how to have handle hurt feelings hurt without retaliating become abusive. This is an important relationship skill. Most abusers don’t have a problem with anger management because they behave very well outside. They have a problem tolerating being hurt.
Lack of accountability
Abusive partners behave abusively, because they can.And they mostly get away with it so they do it some more.
Entitlement
They think they have a right to not be hurt or embarrassed,. If they are, than they likely punish when they feel their entitlement has been violated.
Unaddressed trauma
Most abusive partners have histories of complex childhood trauma, living in homes where they are unwanted or witness abuse or were themselves abused. Childhood history of unresolved trauma end up making abusers have high reactivity to injury. For people who grow up in high conflict families, abusive behaviour is seen as normal.
Lack of empathy
Abusers never believe in "putting ourselves in other people’s shoes". They imagine that the other person wants to cause harm. Empathy helps us to be decent, requires generosity and a willingness to give the benefit of the doubt.